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Yeah, surely the quotes you’ll find below aren’t sarcastic. Not the slightest bit. They’re just as light and cheery as daffodil fluff floating in the azure summer sky, with no dual meanings, no sly remarks, and no storm clouds here.
Nuh-uh, no way. They aren’t even that funny; who cares for sarcastic quotes, anyway? Only sweet old ladies, probably. However, if you’d still like to try these no-good, dark quotes, we’ve gathered an insignificant amount of 40 sarcastic sayings for your judgment.
In all seriousness, though, sarcastic quotes are the best—they are slightly stingy and inherently clever, they can be used on almost any occasion, and if your opponent is worthy, they’ll even grant a belly-full of laughs. Some of these funny, ironic quotes originated in famous people’s heads, like Oscar Wilde and Aldous Huxley; others are of mysteriously undocumented origins.
With those ironic quotes about life, you can always claim them as your own! That is if you think the receiver will understand them fully; otherwise, all you will get is a tumbleweed slowly rolling between you two, and the resulting awkward silence will fall on your conscience.
So, cynics, rejoice! This article is dedicated to you, to the dark jokes we love dearly, and to the most useful ironic quotes to memorize! Reach all this book-worthy material in just a few scrolls directed downward, and don’t forget to vote for clever, sarcastic quotes. Also, share this wisdom with your friends by dropping them a link to this article containing the smartest quotes ever!
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#1
"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." – Robin Williams
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Eilen Eilen Community Member Follow
Great guy with great quotes
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#2
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." – Oscar Wilde
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Itstheoneandonlydave Itstheoneandonlydave Community Member Follow
L E G E N D A R Y
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#3
"If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ."
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R Carson R Carson Community Member Follow
HA!
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#4
"I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you."
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HarriMissesScotland HarriMissesScotland Community Member Follow
Perfect for BP.
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#5
"I always say 'Morning' Instead of 'good morning' Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people."
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Who Panda 420 Who Panda 420 Community Member Follow
I'm using this one 😂
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#6
"Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist." – Michael Levine
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IeabellAlakar@aqueenofaplanet IeabellAlakar@aqueenofaplanet Community Member Follow
Some parents are idiots. Can concur.
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#7
"An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true." – Robert Oppenheimer
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Libstak Libstak Community Member Follow
I kinda like this world. But then again I compare it to life for humans before technology and plumbing especially so I think we have got it pretty damn good.
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#8
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito."
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13 13 Community Member
Why is this so far down? 😂😂
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#9
"Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity."
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Mike Beck Mike Beck Community Member Follow
I have a T-shirt: I'm allergic to stupidity; I break out in sarcasm.
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#10
"Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege."
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Caro Caro Caro Caro Community Member Follow
I'm going to use this one ... A neat little parcel of insult, sarcasm and truth :D
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#11
"I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew."
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Tee Witt Tee Witt Community Member Follow
I laughed and spilt my coffee all down my top, very funny though
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#12
"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!" – Billy Connolly
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Tee Witt Tee Witt Community Member Follow
Ahh Billy Connolly a very special person
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#13
"You know what I like about people? Their dogs."
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Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member Follow
Reminds me of the kid that asked: dad can i pet that dog? You have to ask his owner! But i don't want to talk to people! I only like dogs
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#14
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." – Fred Allen
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Kookamunga Kookamunga Community Member Follow
Why would anyone want to be famous? I'll take rich for sure. But to have no privacy and everyone looking at you and in your business? No wonder many very famous people eventually go nuts, or just lose touch with reality.
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#15
"An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough."
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Daria B Daria B Community Member Follow
Why would you throw away a precious apple? ♡ *me eats*
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#16
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak." – Steven Wright
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Buren Buren Community Member Follow
Similar to my favourite Mark Twain: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. I believe Lincoln said something similar.
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#17
"Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal."
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Kookamunga Kookamunga Community Member Follow
This is turning from "quotes" to "t shirts and bumper stickers".
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#18
"Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’." – Robin Williams
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Peppa Pig Peppa Pig Community Member Follow
Tics also means uncontrollable things like you he clicking
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#19
"Don’t mistake this fake smile and professional body language. I’d punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn’t lose my job."
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Who Panda 420 Who Panda 420 Community Member Follow
Customer service reps be like
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#20
"My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk".
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Buren Buren Community Member Follow
Happens all the time.
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#21
"If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you."
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Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member Follow
splat
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#22
"A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him." – Sir Winston Churchill
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Itstheoneandonlydave Itstheoneandonlydave Community Member Follow
Again LEGENDARY
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#23
"Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense."
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Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member Follow
just give the insane person a knife watch the ketchup fly
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#24
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." – Albert Einstein
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Who Panda 420 Who Panda 420 Community Member Follow
Prob true and very freaky
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#25
"Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us." – Stephen Colbert
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Who Panda 420 Who Panda 420 Community Member Follow
And they actually say what their thinking
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#26
"Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often."
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Annie Bieber Annie Bieber Community Member Follow
Amen....✌
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#27
"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more." – Walter Matthau
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Henry Russell Henry Russell Community Member Follow
i heard i another one that say the doctor gave me one month to live so i shot him in the face the jury gave me 12 problem solved
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#28
"Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams."
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T5n T5n Community Member Follow
Food/Retail service employee?
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#29
"So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?"
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Buren Buren Community Member Follow
No. Because it's not heavy or damaging enough.
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#30
"I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it."
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Who Panda 420 Who Panda 420 Community Member Follow
As I said at almost any concert since 2000. (Showing my age here)
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#31
"When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work."
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Who Panda 420 Who Panda 420 Community Member Follow
But that's too much work
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#32
"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying." – Oscar Wilde
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Tee Witt Tee Witt Community Member Follow
I must remember this
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#33
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." – Albert Einstein
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R Carson R Carson Community Member Follow
True
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#34
"History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives." – Abba Eban
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Karin Karin Community Member Follow
Unfortunately, we're not there yet.
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#35
"I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?"
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Andrea Lange Andrea Lange Community Member Follow
😂 I'll use that!
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#36
"Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face."
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Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member Follow
It's a code between the smartest
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#37
"If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel."
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Vicky Z Vicky Z Community Member Follow
Happens also when single with a cat and the cat is sitting on the remote
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#38
"Find your patience before I lose mine."
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Who Panda 420 Who Panda 420 Community Member Follow
I have one nerve left and your getting on it
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#39
"My uncle's dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair." – Rodney Dangerfield
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Kookamunga Kookamunga Community Member Follow
My favorite Rodney quote: My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay - you're ugly, too.
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#40
"People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world."
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Who Panda 420 Who Panda 420 Community Member Follow
Anything for a good cause
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Oliver Nelson Oliver Nelson Community Member Follow
Most of these are things 12 year old me would have seen on a shirt on Pinterest and thought it was the funniest thing ever.
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postboredom postboredom Community Member Follow
Some of these are just cynical or trying too hard to be funny. A few are gems though
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ivan bolitekurac ivan bolitekurac Community Member Follow
Fresh delivery from Facebook walls all over the world.
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Oliver Nelson Oliver Nelson Community Member Follow
Most of these are things 12 year old me would have seen on a shirt on Pinterest and thought it was the funniest thing ever.
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postboredom postboredom Community Member Follow
Some of these are just cynical or trying too hard to be funny. A few are gems though
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ivan bolitekurac ivan bolitekurac Community Member Follow
Fresh delivery from Facebook walls all over the world.
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